How you know you’re a parent

Before you have babies, you mistakenly assume that they will fit nicely into your perfect, little lives. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES.

1. Preparing to leave the house takes 3 hours

2. Shoving food down your throat takes 3 minutes

3. Shopping consists of wheeling a screaming kid around the mall at breakneck speed

4. Holidays are a thing of the past

5. Friends stop calling you out for parties past 7 pm, provided you even have friends

6. Everything has to be repeated 1,245 times

7. Movies are screened in your living room with the volume at negative 25

8. One look at the poop and you can tell what they had for dinner

9. Hypersonic screams are part of the ambient sounds

10. You no longer have a life


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